2015-10 on Funky Si's Blog (Dev)

Top 10 Warp 11 Songs

funkysi1701@gmail.com (funkysi1701) — Thu, 29 Oct 2015 20:00:45 +0000

I don’t want to go to work Just want to hang with Captain Kirk

I am a big Warp 11 fan. Warp 11 are a Star Trek rock band from Sacramento, California. Their songs often feature bad language, sex and drinking but always feature references to Star Trek characters and episodes and a good dose of humour.

I first listened to Warp 11 in about 2004 and have listened to every album they have released since. The second album Red Alert is probably my favourite but all their albums have a few tracks which I love. They have just released their seventh album and to celebrate this I will list my favourite tracks.

All lyrics are by Warp 11 and no infringement is intended, if you like what you see go to their website (www.warp11.com ), or buy their music. Also Warp 11 if you are reading this, come to the UK, I would love to hear you perform live.

It’s Dead Jim

From the fourth album It’s Dead Jim. This song came out after Enterprise was cancelled and is all about the fact there was no more new trek being made. It was a bleak time to be a trekkie and I shared Warp 11’s sadness in this song.

First they took my TOS
Then they took my TNG
Said “bon voyage” to Voyager
Now there’s nothing left for me
Decommissioned DS9
Now there’s no more Enterprise
Erased the animated show
Yeah, she met a quick demise
The final frontier has been finalized
There ain’t no coming back
It’s getting no reprise
It boldly came and went
Got no Trek to represent
I never thought the day
Would come that I had to say
It’s dead Jim
Space is cold and so am I
Just like Kirk my show has died
Everything has gone awry
I guess it’s time to say goodbye
‘Cause Scotty’s gone and so is Bones
They took their final voyage home
And I guess I’ve always known
That some day I’d be alone
Tore down the sets today
Gave the plastic ears away
Sold the props on eBay
Left my life in disarray
It’s dead Jim
Until they bring it back again

7 of Mine

From the second album Red Alert. 7 of 9 is one sexy character so it is no surprise that Warp 11 chose to sing about that in a few songs and I think this is probably the best example.

Flesh and bone and silicone
You’re all by yourself, but you’re never alone
You’re pretty smooth, for a chick full of wires
So cold to the touch
But you set me on fire
Assimilate me
Dominate me
Short circuit my mind
Energize me
Your thighs always rise me
Let’s go out and make your gears grind
Seven of mine
One minute you’re cruel
And then you’re kind
You gave me a virus, but baby I don’t mind
‘Cause I self destruct when I see your behind
I’ll show you the difference between seven and nine
Chorus
Well, life and love are so absurd
And assimilation is the final word
Resistance is futile can’t you see
So, come on now baby and assimilate me
I’ll give you an identity
Locutus ain’t got nothing on me, oh yeah
Let’s grab a shuttle and go to your cube
You bring the oil and honey I’ll bring the lube
It’s not monogamy
‘Cause in the end
When I’m f****** you, I’m f****** all of your friends
Chorus

Old Country Dr.(The Ballad Of Bones)

From the second album Red Alert. A song dedicated to Bones so of course it is great. The use of harmonica makes you think of the country doctor which is a nice touch. This song gets a sequel as well on one of the later albums.

Well, they call me Bones and I’m third in command
Second in line is a man I just can’t stand
He’s a green blooded, pointy-eared, seven year itch
And when he pon farrs
He’ll try to make me his bitch
Well, I may or may not have divorced my wife
But I damn sure pulled the plug on my daddy’s life
And two months later, well, they found a cure
I’m just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour
The damned teleporter
Yeah, it gives me the creeps
The first time I used it
I couldn’t get it up for weeks
Now my tricorder’s busted
And sick bay just stinks
I guess I’ll just go replicate me a drink
Chorus
Well, Jim is the captain of this here ship
We call her the Enterprise, and the crew’s pretty hip
Yeah, the girls all wear go-go boots and miniskirts
And I spend my days patching all the red shirts
Well, I have been asked to do many a thing
Outside the area of my expertise
Damn it Jim, I know I’ve told you before
Damn it Jim, I know I’ve told you before
Damn it Jim, damn it Jim, I told you before
I’m just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour
Just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour

Space Happy

From the second album Red Alert. This song is just solid good fun, with a catchy chorus that I can’t help singing along to.

Gonna take a five year tour
Boldly go where no man’s gone before
Gonna travel to the end
And make new friends
Move ahead warp factor ten
Put a miniskirt on my yeoman
Represent the human race
And we’ll make space
A happy place
To boldly go where no man’s gone before
I think I sang that line once before
(But I’m not too sure)
We’ll be so happy – can’t you see?
A zero-g community
Gonna travel to new worlds
Beam on down and meet some green girls
Gonna see what we can see
A fancy-free galaxy
Chorus
Come and take a tour with me
They’ll be no Kahns or Kobiashi
Gonna travel to the end
And make new friends
With aliens
Chorus

And Thats Why I’m In A Star Trek Band

From the second album Red Alert. Not only does the start of this song make me think of the postman pat theme but it is good fun.

I love gettin’ hummers from chicks dressed as Klingons
Bumpy heads bobbin’ up and down
Like their necks have a spring on
And I know their teeth hurt
But I still get my thing on
And that’s why
And that’s why
I’m in a Star Trek band
I wanna tag team a stripper with Mr. William Shatner
He’ll take the front and hell, I’ll take the back-ner
And when we blow
We’re gonna reach warp factor
And that’s why
And that’s why
I’m in a Star Trek band
Well, people ask me
Where do I find my joy?
Do I like hot girls, green aliens or young boys?
Well, I got two words for you my friend – Leonard Nimoy
And that’s why
And that’s why
I’m in a Star Trek band
And that’s why
And that’s why
We’re in a Star Trek band

Everything I Do (I Do With William Shatner)

From the second album Red Alert. This was probably the first Warp 11 song I heard and it made me want to listen to the rest. Warp 11 don’t just mention trek, they are actual fans as you can tell from the references that litter their songs.

Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
Loosing all my hair while my belly’s growing fat-ner
And when I drink too much
He holds my hair in his hands
And while I’m blowing chunks
He treats me like the captain
Oh, when we get together we boldly go
Talk about our favorite episodes
I don’t want to go to work
Just want to hang with Captain Kirk
And if I had my way I’d make it so
Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
We drink a couple of brews
Go to the Laundromat-ner
When our clothes are dry
We fold them up together
‘Cause everything I do, I do with William Shatner
Chorus
Hey, spend more time with him than George Takei
Say full speed ahead and we’re on our way
He is so mysterious
His middle name’s Tiberius
And he’ll make me his cabin boy someday
Hey Bill – Let’s go get a tan
Hey Bill – And a green woman
Hey Bill – We’ll kill some Romulans
Hey Bill – I’m your number one fan
‘Cause everything I do, I do with William Shatner
We go to the rodeo and put on our cowboy hat-ners
When we paint the town
We buy each other dinner
We’re fully functional
Just like Brent Spiner
Everything I do, I do with William Shatner
And don’t you wish that you could do it too

What would William Shatner do?

From the fifth album I Don’t Want to Go to Heaven as Long as They Have Vulcans in Hell. Everyone’s been in situations where they would like to keep there fandom a secret. And what would William Shatner do?

I’ve got a girl, the coolest girl in the world
But she ain’t fly for the guys in sci-fi
And I’m a guy with a model Enterprise
Imagine her surprise if she ever finds out
I’ve got a queen, but she only wears blue jeans
And I am a guy in Kirk t-shirt
Black boots and a red miniskirt
I’ll be in world of hurt if she ever finds out
I’ve got to think about it
I’ve got to work it through
If she learns my dark secret
What would William Shatner do?
I’ve got a chick, in bed a lunatic
Won’t be my whore if she knows I love Star Wars
And I know only one thing for sure
I’ll never score If she ever finds out
I’ve got to make a choice now
Deceive her or tell her true
I know Vulcans never lie but
What would William Shatner do?
I love War of the Worlds, got a b**** for green girls
Alien nations, deep space stations
I love flying saucers, say “live long and prosper”
“May the force be with you”, Mr. Sulu
I want to be your man, “by your command”
Don’t want us to be undone, “danger Will Robinson!”
And if I decree “beedee beedee bee”
Does that mean we’ll be through?
What would William Shatner do?

Trekie Girl

From the second album Red Alert. When I first listened to this song I was a single young man, so of course I dreamed about finding my own Trekie Girl. My wife now shares my love of Trek and looks extremely hot in a starfleet uniform.

She knows every episode
She wears the boots that go-go-go
She’s got a red miniskirt
She makes me play Captain Kirk
Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl
We go to conventions
She gives me erections
Girl – my Trekkie girl
She paints her skin green
And it’s not Halloween
She rocks my brave new world
She always acts so logical
She drives a Volvo Iike it’s our space shuttle (of love)
She looks just like Britney Spears
Just add a few pounds and some pointy ears
Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl
She loves outer space
Has a black and white face
Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl
I’m her Leonard Nimoy
She’s the real McCoy
She’s got a Spock haircut with curls
And on some nights she tells me
Put my symbiote inside her
She separates my saucer
Yeah, she knows just what to say
And on nights when I loose power
Well it doesn’t even phaser
She grabs my captain’s log
Torpedoes away
She knows every episode
She wears the boots that go-go-go
She’s got a red miniskirt
She makes me play Captain Kirk
Trekkie girl, Trekkie girl
We go to conventions
She gives me erections
Girl – my Trekkie girl
She paints her skin green
And it’s not Halloween
Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl
She loves outer space
Has a black and white face
Oh, girl – my Trekkie girl
I’m her Leonard Nimoy
She’s the real McCoy
My girl – Trekkie girl

A Song for People Who Never Watch Star Trek

From the third album Boldly go down on me. This really tells you all you need to know about original series trek, plus I like singing the first line of this song to my son (also called James)

There was this guy
His name was Jim
You can call him Kirk
Or the Captain
He had a tan
And lots of women
Every episode
He got to blow his l***
He worked with Spock
He was a rock
No emotion
Nothing could rattle him
His blood was green
And Pon Farr could make him scream
And lose control
Though that’s illogical
Each week they’d all warp through space
Fight an alien race
And the Vulcan would pinch a neck
If you want to learn more
Go to the video store
Or just listen to this
Song for people who never watch Star Trek
Then there was Bones
Dr. McCoy
Worked with Nurse Chapel
And removed the red shirt shrapnel
Chased the miniskirts
Screaming, “Dammit, Kirk!”
Wait that wasn’t him
He was screaming, “Dammit Jim!”
Each week on the Enterprise
All the red shirts would die
But no one noticed or got upset
And the next generation
Will watch in syndication
Or just listen to this
Song for people who never watch Star Trek
And for three seasons
You know what they’d do
They’d boldly go
With the rest of their crew
Like Scotty
He was a Scot
And Chekov
He screamed a lot
And Uhura
And Sulu
But let’s face it
After Kirk, Spock and McCoy
Who gives a f*** about the rest of the crew?

The Saddest Song Ever Written About Star Trek

From the fourth album It’s Dead Jim. This song really encapsulates the sadness of Star Trek’s cancellation and the passing away of some of Star Treks greats.

It was a warm summer’s night when I sat down to write
The prettiest song ever written about Star Trek
The sky was clear
Full of stars above
I thought of Kirk and his crew
And their mission of love
And I sang the first verse
Of the prettiest song ever written about Star Trek
When the words came out
Everything was wrong
For those who’d boldly go
Had already gone
‘Cause the show was cancelled
And the dream was dead
And a red alert started wailing in my head
And I realized I had written
The saddest song ever written
About Star Trek
Now the sky was dark
Devoid of love
And Roddenberry’s ashes were floating up above
Raining down on a man
Singing the saddest song ever written about Star Trek
And now Bones is nothing but bones
He finally went and took his final voyage home
And Scotty’s body just couldn’t take much more
And I’m sure this is the saddest
Song ever written about Star Trek
I thought about space
And the final frontier
And I shed a tear as I finished
The saddest song ever written about Star Trek

James goes on adventure with Daddy

funkysi1701@gmail.com (funkysi1701) — Thu, 22 Oct 2015 20:00:45 +0000

This weekend I took James on an adventure. As he is only 8 weeks old it was a fairly low key adventure but hopefully he enjoyed himself.

St Michael le Belfrey have been organizing an event for Dads once a month and this month I wanted to give it a go. I have been looking forward to going for a while.

Looking after a baby is woman’s work. Now I am not being sexist but men are just not equipped. We can’t feed them, we don’t form the same emotional bonds and I suspect I am sleeping through the worst of his crying.

That said I still want to help and be involved in looking after my son. But my natural inclination is to let mummy do most things and help where needed. Going to this dads event was my first chance to do things without mummy being around.

So after James had his first feed and his bag had been filled with bottles of milk, nappies, change of clothes and all the other essential accessories for looking after a baby, I left the house with him strapped to my chest.

The event was very low key. Once I got there I unloaded James from my chest and was left to spend time with him with the occasional chat from other dads, offers of coffee and sausage sandwiches from the organizers.

James loves staring at the ceiling and the Storehouse had lots of bright lights for him to stare at. He also got to say hello to one of the other babies he has met before at church and the mums group my wife goes to. But it was not all smooth sailing, James didn’t like me sitting down, so I had to stand up holding him close to keep him calm. If I tried to sit down and offer him his bottle he would get grumpy.

I think it is great that there are events like this for parents. A lot of events are targeted at mothers which is as it should be as they have the majority of work to do, but dads need the odd event to support them as well. Hopefully me and James will be back for more adventures like this.

One of the things I am looking forward to as James gets older is taking him to places and spending time 1 to 1 with him like I did with my father. I don’t know what his interests will be but whatever it is I want to be there to encourage him.

Backing up SQL databases to Azure

funkysi1701@gmail.com (funkysi1701) — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 20:00:45 +0000

I recently read a blog post by Pinal Dave about how you can backup straight to Azure Storage. The procedure he described is only available for SQL Server 2014 or later.

I won’t go into detail of this method as Pinal describes it better than I can, but the basic of it requires setting up credentials and then running a backup command that includes the URL of the storage container on Azure.

Unfortunately I am running SQL Server 2005 so this process will not work for me but it did start me thinking of what ways there might be for me to use.

The next thing I tried was Microsoft SQL Server Backup to Microsoft Azure Tool . Unfortunately I did not get this tool to work correctly on my setup. However it sounds like a flexible tool that allows compression and encryption of your backup files. This tool redirects your backup files to your Azure Storage so even if I had got it to work correctly it would not have been an ideal solution as I want local copies of my backup files as well.

After this I started to look at powershell again. Following on from my recent success with powershell I know how to connect to my Azure account so all I needed to script was copying a file from my server to Azure.

Get-ChildItem *.bak -File -Recurse | Set-AzureStorageBlobContent -Container $DestContainer -Force

This command gets all the backup files in a directory (the recurse switch looks in sub directories as well) and then pipes them to the Set-AzureStorageBlobContent command. This command uploads them to the storage container defined in $DestContainer. I have added the Force switch so that it will replace any files on Azure which have the same name.

I have only been using this script for the last few days but so far it has been working well. Now if I completely loose all data from the office I can restore from any other location using the data saved on Azure. A great improvement to my disaster recovery policy.

The Hunted, TNG S3 E11 reviewed

funkysi1701@gmail.com (funkysi1701) — Thu, 08 Oct 2015 20:00:45 +0000

My latest podcast can be found at https://www.trekmate.org.uk/the-hunted-tng-s3-e11-the-battle-bridge/ .

While the Enterprise-D is reviewing a seemingly idyllic planet’s application for Federation membership, an escaped prisoner leads its crew to discover an ugly secret: the government’s shameful treatment of its war veterans.

Today James and Lou discuss (The Hunted) and what we think of it and much more as well as listener feedback with tonight’s guest host Simon.

Credit: Main Title Theme (TV Edit) was arranged by Dennis McCarthy and composed by Jerry Goldsmith and Alexander Courage

You can download the MP3 version of this show by clicking here .

Copying settings to an Azure Website

funkysi1701@gmail.com (funkysi1701) — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 20:00:45 +0000

The Software as a Service (SaaS) website that I work on has been sold to lots of clients now. Which is great news.

However the more Azure websites we have, the more websites we have to administer, especially if like us you take advantage of Traffic Manager which requires multiple website in different regions. Azure has some great options for making this administration easier. One job is adding all the settings onto the Azure portal, so far I have been manually adding these, but a quicker way is to use powershell.

PowerShell

PowerShell is everywhere these days. You can use it to control Servers, Active Directory and Exchange. So it is no surprise that you can use it to control Azure.

Open a powershell window and run the following command.

Get-AzurePublishSettingsFile

This command opens an IE window which you can login to Azure and download a file which contains settings that Azure can use. Save the *.publishsettings file and run the following command.

Import-AzurePublishSettingsFile "C:\MyPublishSettings\mysubscriptions.publishsettings"

This imports your Azure settings so that PowerShell can do clever things.

Select-AzureSubscription -Default "mysubscription"

This selects which of your Azure subscriptions to use. Now run the following to import settings into PowerShell.

$s = @{"DebugEmailAccount"="test@example.com";"SiteWarningBannerText"=""}

And finally run the following to import this settings into the Azure website you specified.

Set-AzureWebsite azure-websitename -AppSettings $s

Sounds easy doesn’t it. Well it is. The hardest part is getting the settings in the correct format to be imported but this is only string manipulation.

For my project I already have a build script which populates a settings.config file with all these settings, so I have just duplicated this to create a settings.config.importtoAzure file. Next time I have a website to create, I can create it on Azure and run the above script, pasting in the settings file that my build has already produced for me.

This only scratches the surface of what you can do with Azure and PowerShell, hopefully I will do far more in the future.